I am a scientific person and I am continually fascinated by the science of our minds – that is how our brain works, why we do things that we do and how can we train our brains to be better from a scientific standpoint. Recently, given the extra time on my hands – I was motivated to take this famous course offered by Yale University on ‘The Science of Wellbeing’ on Coursera.com. I must say I highly recommend this course, if this kind of a topic is of interest to you. Here are my key learnings from the course. This is from memory, so it will only reflect things that stood out to me the most. Needless to say, these things have been proved by scientific studies and experiments and are not mere conjectures.
- Our mind plays games with us – Our mind plays a lot of games with us. We are never fully satisfied with what we have because our mind adjusts its reference level (technical term is ‘hedonic adaptation’). That is that big job, that great relationship, substantial increase in income, new gadgets and so on – all of them bring a spike in happiness but it never lasts because your reference level gets adjusted and the new thing very quickly becomes the new normal. This will only make you want another new thing.
- Our mind always wants things that do not drive real happiness – Even though above is true, our mind still wants those things. It wants a shiny new house, car, a great job, a 10x increase in money, great body, great grades, great relationship and so on. Why? Because that is how it gets affected – it gets affected easily by a lot of factors. Most of it you thought it right, is because of social influence. You want to keep up with the Joneses. Even if that is not the case and you are immune to social comparisons, our society tends to influence us to want those things. TV, magazines and most importantly social media that we consume on a daily basis influences our mind to want those all of those things. And let’s face it, you are not giving up on your Instagram and Facebook. Did you know that when left to its own devices – our mind has been scientifically proven to think of either the past, the future or our peers (wooahhh!). It is called ‘Mind Wandering’, and its a real thing – and most of the times this is negative – not neutral or positive. Our mind likes to dwell on negative things. Its like our mind wants us to be unhappy.
- We need to work on things that bring real happiness – So what is one to do?! Clearly when your mind is working against you, how are you to work against your mind. And, who is ‘you’ in this case? Isn’t your mind ‘you’? Well the point is – one needs to make a conscious effort to deviate your mind from its auto-pilot behavior. So what brings real happiness, these are gonna sound really cliche, but they have been scientifically proven so bear with me.
- Kindness – Kindness towards other people has been scientifically proven to create lasting happiness. It is not transient like the one you would get by buying material things. So if you needed a reason to be kind to folks, here it is. Do something nice for your family friends or friends. Give a compliment to a stranger or do something good for them. Give back to your community in whatever way you can because it will make you happy.
- Social connection – Human beings crave social connection as we have evolved to be social animals. Its a tough time to be social, but still try to connect with someone – send someone a text that you are thinking of them, catch up with old friends or just check on someone you haven’t talked to in a long time. It will surely make you and the other person happy. Studies show that even the act of talking to strangers makes us happy, so next time you are on a flight – go on talk to that stranger next to you!
- Time Affluence – Having more time makes us feel better. Adopt habits that make you time affluent. If it involves, hiring extra help around the house or just paying extra for some mundane tasks that you do not enjoy – go ahead and do it! Even though it might decrease your bank balance, it will make you happier. If you do not enjoy grocery shopping, order delivery or take out. If you don’t like to shop, sign up for services that will send you pre-selected clothes. Delegate activities that do not bring joy to you and instead focus on things that do bring joy – such reading a new book, learning a new skill or spending time with your kids.
- Mind Control – Because of what we know about the mind (points 1. and 2.), try to control your mind and train it into thinking that the ‘usual stuff’ that you think will bring you happiness – will actually only bring fleeting & momentary joy. So when you crave for the next fancy gadget, expensive item, great job and so on – remember that the happiness won’t be long lasting. More so, limit use of social media or at least be aware that it is influencing you in a way that its not beneficial for you.
- Healthy practices – Some healthy practices bring us lasting joy, and this might not seem like rocket science but it’s still true. A good quality sleep is super important to our sanity and happiness. Do not compromise on good quality 7 hours of sleep to reach your 10,000 goals and to get done everything on the TO-DO list. Your mind needs rejuvenation as much as your body needs it. Which brings us to – exercise. Exercise has been known to create lasting happiness for a long time – any kind of movement that you enjoy. It could be running on the street, fancy Peloton classes, strength training, pilates, Yoga, dancing or simply walking. Anything that gets you moving will release those happiness endorphins. Lastly, there are a few practices that will help you improve your wellbeing in general such as Savoring – be present in the moment, and enjoy it fully without letting your mind wander to past, future or somewhere else. Savoring is the act of stepping outside of an experience to review and appreciate it. Savor each moment like you would savor a bite of your favorite foods.
- Gratitude – practice gratitude on a daily basis, you can write in a gratitude journal or just think through these in the morning or in the evening things you are thankful for in your life.
- Another practice which is proven to be beneficial is – Meditation. Meditation has been proven to reduce mind wandering (read above, where your mind cannot stay still when you are not focused on a task). And that is a good thing, because mind wandering is almost always negative. More so, it also increases gray matter, read as it improves your cognitive skills, increases sense of connection and in general increases positive emotions over time.
Did you find it interesting and/or revealing? Do you do any of these habits on a daily basis? Which ones do you find most useful?
Comment below to let me know.
Love & luck,
Kuki
